tonight was horrible, i went out with people i had no place being with their so different me now. oh we used to be good friends but oh well i guess i changed too mybye before when i was their friend i had no roo to changed their so controling i hate it i hate them yet i talk to them and hang with them, at least not us much as i used too barely at all now thats good sign of change. I'm happy with myself for that not letting them tell me what to do i don't know why i ever did i guess it was because of the smallness and shelter of my old school.the only other people i could've hanged with i hated even more. i guess i could of been by myself it would've been better, if it were now i would i know now that it wasn't worth ot their not even my real friends they only used me fuck them. i guess the last to years at highschool haven't been that bad compared to that hell. well i guess i'll never go out with them again.ummm what else oh yeah i saw this chick at the movies, i want to be her or at least be with her. She seemed like everything i want to be i dunno i find myself looking at more and more females in a sexual way yet i still seem to like more males. i guess it might be cause of all these damn wiggers and guys who think their so cool i got something to tell you your not black and your not cool. i guess i'm mad tonight but that can be made better. i just got off the phone with graham man how much do i love him, he told me it wan't working, we need to see each other more, he needs me there, i wish i could be there i hope he knows that damn him and him being over six hour drive away. he told me mybye we should see other people. no big deal it's not like hes here at all. hes says later when we can drive mybye it will work. it's odd i don't seem to care. it'll be no different from now.i should be crying i feel bad that i'm not i really weant him here but whatever i'll live .now i'm gonna go get some ice cream put on some weezer and chill mybye i'll also go outside and dance naked in the rain i've always wanted to do that.