I've realized things about certain people some not nice and some good.
Hopefully when i next come home for longer than a weekend things will be better and I'll be able to get along uneventfully. I'm not sure when the next time I will be here for any peroid of time will be because for my Feb. break I want to get away from here. I need to distance myself from people here and at school.
So my goals are to get a job and save money to go away.
I'm not sure where I want to go, who or if I want anyone to go with me , but the goal is to go. Far or near, whereever as long as it's not here.
Also i want to find myself, this break has made me things about me and other that I don't like and I want to change this. I need to make sure that people know the real me. I'm not sure if a lot of my friends do. This break helped me to realize the couple that do really know me and really care. I know that some relationships from the past are fading but its a good thing because I realize that some of my friends from highschool aren't we I thought they were or have changed to something that I don't relate too anymore. Or maybe they were always that way and I just didn't care to notice because their was no one else to turn to. But new relationships are starting, and I have to make sure that those relationships work and that I don't take people for granted. I need to surround myself with people who I feel comfortable with, who I feel care. I need that to be who I want to be. Right now I go out and come home sometimes and wonder why I ever left my house, because i didn't enjoy myself at all, I want that feeling to go away. I need to start enjoying myself and surround myself with people who allow me to enjoy myself. It's time for me to stop acting like I'm still in highschool, because I'm not and people and things I liked in highschool may change but only because I'm changing and those who really cared will except these changes.
Today I woke up to a new start here, the snow covers everything from the past and is telling me to do the same. Some things happen that made me realize that to get close to people I need to open up . I'm starting and it feels good. It felt good to sit and talk with people, to really talk to them about me about what I feel about things . I no longer sit on the sidelines and watch conversations and people. I join in and allow myself to be myself.
I feel that his year will be a good one. Full of changes but in the end I'll be better because of them. I don't want to completely let go of my past, but just leave the parts I no longer need behind.